Past will haunt us (Internal Damnation)

•April 8, 2010 • 7 Comments

Please note that this poem is explicit in a part of it. i apologize if it offends anyone.

When we dig we dig in the past
The pain will cause death faster than the gas
The thought of being without that one person almost kills you
When they say “if things would have happened between us you’d still be getting it”

The pain hugs the walls of my heart
As I listen to songs alone in the dark
How can I heal if my heart refuses to let go
And how can I be certain he’s not the one if I don’t know

We kill each other all the time
Externally we’re alive and well
But inside it’s like a tortured hell.
How do I let go without a fight
How can I still love him with all my might?

How can he still have control of me
When he said he didn’t want me anymore?
Why must I dig and dig
Into some of the biggest piles of shit?

I love the irony when I say I love him
And yet he kills me
We’ll fall and yet he will rise again
I will not.

Song for Broken Girls

•March 23, 2010 • 3 Comments

One last hope to turn you away
Never thought it would cause this much pain
Your lips are full of deceit, and it’s a knife
That’s cutting through me.
My arteries and veins drain completely
my body’s limp as my blood is leaking.

Every touch that we made
Plays through my brain
All the air has left my lungs
Betraying me again.

The tears of blood I cry
will not uproot my fight
My life is stranger than fiction
but not as real as life as they know it.
I’ve lost sight of paradise
There is no hope of finding it again.

The sun rises and falls as does my chest
But it’s nowhere near the same liveliness.
The sun brings with it animals and kids
But my apathy will kill me, someday.
My secrets divulged I can’t cope when I’m nervous as hell.
Someone please save me before they enslave me.
I can’t think straight
I keep anticipating the loss of courage

Every touch that we made
Plays through my brain
All the air has left my lungs
Betraying me again.

The tears of blood that I cry
Will not uproot my fight.
My life is stranger than fiction
But not as real as life as they know it.
I’ve lost sight of paradise
And there’s no hope of finding it again.

So I’ll wait by and by
To live my lie of a life.
Who knows what this will bring
Maybe my lie will kill me.
Starry nights mean nothing without him by my side.
The trust that I had is gone
My crystal ball shell has shattered
It exposed the masks I’ve hidden
Away from everyone except him.

Now the last minutes of time
There he is standing in front of me
His eyes are my sky and
In his grasp I’ll survive.
The light came back into my life
And then it’s gone in a flash.
I fall to the floor bleeding again
My skin is so cold
My eyes are about to close
As I whisper goodbye to the night.

The tears of blood that I cry
Will not uproot my fight
My life is stranger than fiction
But not as real as life as they know it.
I’ve lost sight of paradise
There’s no hope of finding it again.

As these tears crash down around me,
The blood seeps onto the floor.
It’s a knife in my heart
That keeps thrashing around.
He’s the shark that will crush my hopes and dreams
No matter how much I try to make him see the struggle.

This is his lyric, and my skies are blue,
They sparkle every glance he gives to me.
My mind wanders from class as my chest constricts
My heart aches and there’s no real meaning to end my apathy.
He’s the only light in my dreams
Making me wonder if he ever dreams of me too.

The tears of blood that I cry
Will not uproot my fight.
My life is stranger than fiction
But not as real as life as they know it.
I’ve lost sight of paradise
There’s no hope of finding it again.

This road’s path is ending
But my mind keeps coming up
With thing to say.
My block has kept me
From the pen scratching the paper.
So thank-you to the guy who opened up my mind
Who got my feelings out from the bottle inside
Even though my heart is dead it seems
And my tears are internally.

Every touch that we made
Plays through my brain
All the air has left my lungs
Betrayed me again.

The tears of blood I cry
Will not uproot my fight.
My life is stranger than fiction
But not as real as life as they know it.
I’ve lost sight of paradise
There’s no hope of finding it again.

You always wait for the right time
But when is the right time to let go?
You want to be safe
but you need the danger too.
I lose the feeling of being unique
Oh tell me about myself
For I am much too blind to see
What you want me to be.

How many times will you change your mind;
Push me away, then fly back into my life?
I can’t keep waiting for you
To cut me open again.
Too many times you’ve made fools out of girls
You know are pure of heart.

I need your arms around me,
To hold me secure and tight.
The security blanket that I still need for comfort;
You’re the one whose trust I haven’t forgotten.

The tears of blood I cry
Will not uproot my fight.
My life is stranger than fiction
But not as real as life as they know it.
I’ve lost sight of paradise
There’s no hope of finding it again.

Shout Outs

•March 23, 2010 • 2 Comments

How many pills will it take to make this pain go away?
How many times in my life will it seem that
I’m supposed to die and let die?
Too many times I can’t sleep at night,
wasting away in this day and age,
not believing in what I can’t see.

The pain goes away with the booze and the blade;
it comes back when they fight again.
So many times I’ve died but been revived,
not understanding why, I hate my life.

There’s wars everyday causing more pain.
The government needs a reality check
and God bless the USA with guns and gangs,
more fear and pain.
Am I the only one that sees all the pain going on?
Why am I always blamed for things I can’t control?

The pain goes away with the booze and the blade;
it comes back when they fight again.
So many times I’ve died but been revived,
not understanding why, I hate my life.

So who cares if he loves him
and she loves her or he loves both him and her.
We can’t choose how they live,
and we can’t control them here, now, or then.
Every time someone dies why can’t people realize
they were the cause because they just ignored the signs?

The pain goes away with the booze and the blade;
it comes back when they fight again.
So many times I’ve died but been revived,
not understanding why, no I don’t understand why,
but I hate my life.

Personality

•March 16, 2010 • 4 Comments

How many days has it been since
We’ve seen each other?
How many times have you thought of me today?
I swear on my life that we will meet time after time,
No matter what this life throws our way.

We will meet once in Rome,
Once in California,
And thousands of times in our dreams.
We are fresh meat but that doesn’t mean
That we won’t last until the millionth time we meet.
Even though I talk to you every week I wish it could be all the time.

Maybe there are people dissing
But that doesn’t mean that we’ll be missing
Out on our life together.
I owe you so much but what can I give to you?
I don’t care what you look like because
That’s nothing important to me,
The only thing that does is your personality.

You’re everything that I ever wanted
And you care about me,
Because apparently I’m the perfect girl for you.
You have had it up to here with
All the cheerleaders that have been hanging all over you,
You wanted a change and they introduced us
To the person of our dreams.

Maybe there are people dissing
But that doesn’t mean that we’ll be missing
Out on our life together.
I owe you so much but what can I give to you?
I don’t care what you look like because
That’s not important to me,
The only thing that does is your personality.

fakes are the worst enemy in the world

•March 16, 2010 • 1 Comment

People always tell me
To be more positive
To be more thin
To be who everyone wants again.

I’ll be fake if you really want me to
I’ll put on that smile that made me leave you
I can live my life in solitude
Or I can take my time
And change in the moment of the crime.

So I’ll sit back and laugh
Stay with people that hurt me most
Talk to the people who make me doubt
Maybe I’ll even smell like that peppy musk.

You tell me you love me as I am
You tell me to be my own friend
You tell me to be less negative
You tell me to be the person I used to be.

I’m tired of changing just to fit in
I’m tired of arguing just to be defeated.
I’m done with the mind games,
I’m done with the heart ache
If you want me to be happy
Then find me someone who can
Love me for who I am
The one that can put up with the stubbornness
The one that can fall asleep next to me
And wake up with me being the first thing he wants to see

Wake me up from this bad dream
And see if you can keep me from screaming
I don’t want to fight
I want you to see
That you can make the best in me.

Fear of losing you leads me to emotional suicide

•March 15, 2010 • 2 Comments

There’s not enough oxygen to fill my torn lungs.
There’s not enough putty to fill the gaps in my heart.
My brain is fixated on finding true love.
My conscious is saying, hold up.

Rainbows are rare just like love,
You have to have tears and happiness
To make it come around.
Thirty minute shows are like thirty day relationships
There’s way too many of them to count.
My ears pick up waves from songs ,
All of them seem wrong.
The lyrics are meaningful,
But they bring nothing but bad memories to the surface.

Why does there have to be thunderstorms everyday?
Why do I have to give up playing in the rain?
Why does he get the freedom and me the pain?
What double standard is listed for the breakups?

Sit down, shut up, what the hell are you waiting for?
I don’t care about the rain,
I don’t care about the pain.
You took away my pride,
And were the one to make me feel alive
You promised so much but never delivered.
Guess I was a child, you figured.

There’s so much wrong with what I have to say
But I guess emotions got in the way
You used me from the start
When you said you hated being apart.

There’s nothing but snow in my chest
There’s nothing but an icebox where my heart was
Before you stole it away from me.
So how many times are we going to say goodbye?

I’m done, I’m falling, your frying again.
I’m tired, of waiting, for us to be more than friends.
Are you trying to kill me,
Are you trying to hurt me,
Why can’t I understand the full extent off my injuries.

I guess my timing was off again.
Maybe someday, we can still be friends once I’m gone again.

The most important things you lack

•March 14, 2010 • Leave a Comment

The villagers cries, ring through the night
Their tears fall from the ocean in their eyes.
The facts of life won’t shine a light over the darkness
Oh not this time.

So what are we supposed to do,
When their children come up to you?
I get choked up from their pleas
And I end up falling to my knees.

Life isn’t always fair but why not show others that we care.
Charity isn’t always bad,
But it’s not to be made into a fad.
Don’t share for popularity points
Just please add your voice
There’s so much that we can do
If you join in maybe others will too.

Sometimes we fall down
We can’t get up again
We need the help from others just like,
They need us.
Saying yes to everything can be wrong
But as they say what’s done is done.

Life isn’t always fair but why not show others that we care.
Charity isn’t always bad,
But it’s not to be made into a fad.
Don’t share for popularity points
Just please add your voice
There’s so much that we can do
If you join in maybe others will too.

Anger and bitterness will do nothing positive
Holding grudges and discrimination
Is nothing but contamination.
Your imagination and recognition
The most important things you lack
Are going to be your termination.